A Letter to God: Lessons on Vulnerability

Why Writing Down Prayers is Effective

Below, you will find a personal letter I made on June 21st, 2020.

I'm sure many of you have very private things written down in your Notes app that you wouldn't dare share with anyone else. I was struggling so much to even look back at all I've written. The truth is that you never know just how much of an impact your walk with God can have on others.

So, I'm praying that this post will inspire you to also deepen your intimacy with God and realize that vulnerability is an important tool. I'm hoping that if any of you can relate to this prayer, that you may also be encouraged. I was in that same place too and even though I've grown from these problems, it was admitting the fact that I needed help in the first place that brought me to a place filled with peace and healing.

Dear God,

It’s me… Casandra. You may be wondering what I want this time. Like I’m going to ask you for something one second, and then in the next, you know… I’m gonna leave the moment you give me it. I’m so sorry that I mess up all the time. I say that I want to know more about you, but time passes by and I still haven’t even spoken one word to you yet. How does that even happen? I don’t mean it. How can you still love me? I make the same mistakes over and over again. Aren’t you tired of me? Of my complaining and whining. God, I don’t know how you do it. I would have given up on myself a long time ago. I’m so sorry that I’m such a letdown. I can never be consistent. And that’s really all you ask of me. A relationship. A conversation. And yet I failed. Why can’t this be easier? Other things always get in the way. But I know that I should be able to have the motivation to do these things. To seek your word, to grow. To be a better person and not judge others. Why is being a Christian so hard? Some days I feel so empty. Is it my fault? You have done so many good things in my life, and I don’t want anything other than your love and presence. I can’t give up on you yet. Or ever. I have doubted you more times than I want to admit. But you’re still here! I want to be different. I don’t want to be scared of how people will judge me. God, I want to be brave and confident. I don’t want this world to be able to influence my behavior. There’s nothing in this world that can beat you. You will always be my number 1. Lord, there was a time when I thought I was so ugly and hideous. I thought that no one would ever like me because of the way I looked. My self-esteem hit rock bottom. I felt like nothing could save me at that moment. Like I was hopeless and worthless, but you remind me that you love me more than anything. So it shouldn’t matter how other people may see me. I’m amazing in your eyes. I don’t know why this doubt kept creeping up in my head all the time.